Thing to think about.
Things to know about life. 1. Two wrongs don�t make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
2. Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
3. It�s not the pace of life that concerns me, it�s the sudden stop at the end.
4. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
5. It�s hard to make a comeback when you haven�t been anywhere.
6. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
7. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you�re in the bathroom.
8. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
9. Never knock on Death�s door: ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
10. Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
11. When you�re finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
12. If you�re living on the edge, make sure you�re wearing your seat belt.
13. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it�s open.
14. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
15. There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead.
16. Life is sexually transmitted.
17. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
18. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
19. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
20. It�s not hard to meet expenses...they�re everywhere.
21. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
22. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.Part II
1. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
2. Does the Little Mermaid wear and algebra?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. How do I set my laser printer to stun?
5. How is it possible to have a civil war?
6. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
7. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
8. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
9. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
10. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
11. If you�re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
12. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
13. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
14. Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
15. Why do they call them "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
16. Why is it called tourist season if we can�t shoot at them?
17. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
18. What happens when none of your bees wax?
19. Where are we going? And what�s with this handbasket?
20. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn�t the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?
21. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
22. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn�t
everyone just move 10 miles away?
23. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
24. Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?
25. I went to a bookstore and asked the salesperson, "Where�s the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the
purpose?
26. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
27. There are two types of motorcycle riders those who have been down and those who are going down.
�-Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
�-Save the Whales. Collect the whole set.
�-A day without sunshine is, like, night.
�-Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
�-On the other hand, you have different fingers
�-Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
�-Back up my hard drive? How do I put it into reverse?
�-I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
�-When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
�-Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it
�-Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
�-I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
�-He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged
�-You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misqouted, then used against you
�-I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?
�-Pardon my driving, I'm reloading
�-Despite the cost of living, do you notice how it remains so popular?
�-Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool
�-Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
�-He who laughs last, thinks slowest


Somthing to think about.
More things to know. If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.

The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanocon iosis. The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanocon ioses, its plural.

Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor:Mint Oreo.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

Wilma Flintstone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty Rubble's Maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life"

It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up it's stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of it's mouth. Then the frog uses it's forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth.

A whale's penis is called a dork. Armadillos have four babies at a

time and they are always all the same sex.

Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get leprosy. A group of unicorns is called a blessing. Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink." A group of frogs is called an army. A group of rhinos is called a crash. A group of kangaroos is called a mob. A group of whales is called a pod. A group of ravens is called a murder. A group of officers is called a mess. A group of larks is called an exaltation. A group of owls is called a parliament.

Physicist Murray Gell-Mann named the sub-atomic particles known as quarks for a random line in James Joyce, "Three quarks for Muster Marc"

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

The phrase "sleep tight" derives from the fact that early mattresses were filled with straw and held up with rope stretched across the bedframe. A tight sleep was a comfortable sleep.

"Three dog night" (attributed to Australian Aborigines) came about because on especially cold nights these nomadic people needed three dogs (dingos, actually) to keep from freezing.

Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy. The skipper's real name on Gilligan's Island is Jonas Grumby. It was mentioned once in the first episode on their radio's newscast about the wreck.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been overmixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since.

Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.

The saying "it's so cold out there it could freeze the balls off a brass monkey" came from when they had old cannons like ones used in the Civil War. The cannonballs were stacked in a pyramid formation, called a brass monkey. When it got extremely cold outside they would crack and break off... Thus the saying.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.




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